Sunday, March 19, 2006

goin down down 

that last one lasted much too long.

new mission.


i'm cheeeesinnn.

Monday, June 13, 2005

baby it's you 

so new boy. yes, there always is. but this one, this one is different. honestly it is. a) i know him. he's my friend. we've been friends. ive known him for at least 5 years. i have his number. i call him. he calls me. you know, we hang out. its not one of those faraway crush thingies. b) a lot of people know there's "something" between us. ive told a lot of people that yeah, im kinda feelin him. haha. which is definitely different for me. because i usually tell one person and thats it. but right now, about... 6 or 7 people know. i hope to keep it at that. c) i can feel somethin happenin. ok. i know it sounds lame but we get along so well. and we keep getting closer and closer. and yeah, we flirt and everything but i think we're both starting to realize that maybe this "just friends" thing isnt working. or at least, i hope so.

so yes, i promise ill go for it this time. what's the worst that can happen right? and maybe, just maybe, ill get what i want for once.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

oh goodness... 

wow. i forgot about this place. apparently i'm a blog-aholic. go figure.
but yes, new boy. new story. actually there have been 3 since the last time i wrote in this. and yes, each time its been different. but this time it's really different. i swear. i just feel like a lil girl anymore. its no more being so in love i almost cry. now its just this feeling of unbelievable happiness and giddyness. just seeing him makes me want to giggle.
and i swear, somethin will happen with this one. i can feel it

Friday, March 12, 2004

wont somebody catch me?? 

so yes, i fell. hard. and yes, it hurt. a lot. i honestly dont know what to do with myself. i wasn't in love. i was only in love with the idea of love. if that makes any sense to you. now that i think about it, i could only even almost say that i've seriously been in love once. other than that, it wasn't real. that doesn't really change anything. it still hurts to hear someone you like, even if its just a little bit, say they like someone else. you learn that in elementary school when you have your first crush. i'm sick of falling so hard. and then realizing that it wasn't real. and then doing it over and over again. each time faling for a new person. and never doing anything about it, even when i say i will.

so as of right now, i solemnly swear to go for what i want. to live without regrets. and to put my heart on the line when i know that's how i feel. i want to be happy for once. i want to do something for myself. i want someone to catch me...

Thursday, February 26, 2004

and here i go again... 

okay, so you remember that old entry i had? where everyone was in love, but me? well, it's definitely not like that anymore. wait...let me rewind a little bit. so the whole "not being in love" thing went on for awhile. way longer than usual. and i knew that when i did get that feeling, that person would be amazing and totally worth it. so it didn't bother me. i just felt comfortable. not always trying to impress somebody. not wondering what he was doing. you know, not stressing about boys for once.

but then a few weeks ago, i started to have those feelings again. see, there was this boy from last year that i was "in love" with. and even though i haven't seen him in a year, all those emotions i felt when i was around him came back. and the fact that he wasn't here killed me. and all my regrets that i didnt go for it also returned. and it hurt sooo much. i honestly believed that he was perfect for me. in every way. but nothing ever happened. and yet, i still think i love him...

so now, let me get to the point. i'm in love again. noo not him ^^. well, it will always be him, but now there's someone else. it's not the intense love i had before where it hurt. it's the fresh, bubbly, disgustingly happy kinda love!! and i must say, i love this feeling!! lol. but the stupid thing is that i know nothing more than his name and a little of the kind of person he is. he's the kinda guy your parents would want you to date;polite,well mannered,has a job,and of course, cute.hehe. i don't even know how old he is actually!! i just know that he goes to my school, lives by me, and has a brother who's my age. and already, i've fallen for him. hard.

and yes, i'm being irrational. i fall in love too easily. i'm young. i still don't know what love is. blah blah blah. i've been through this before. . but i also know that i don't wanna think about him in the future and start to cry. i dont wanna add another "wish i would have done something" to my already extensive list. i don't want to wonder if i would've had a chance. the only thing stopping me from actually doing something is myself. and i don't want that anymore.

Monday, January 05, 2004

back to hard times... 

guess what??life isnt a bed of roses.things arent always gonna be all fine and dandy. im slowly beginning to realize that more and more. my grandpa's in the hospital. my grandma's in the hospital. i'm sick. school just started again. finals are next week. i'm one grade away from straight a's and i just cant seem to reach it. i'm tired. emotionally,physically, mentally...in every sense of the word. i've tried to be positive. to be optimistic. think for the best. praying, hoping. working so that everything will come out right. it always has to be so hard. too much for me to take right now. pouring my heart out once again when i should be working all this stuff out. trying to make things better. but sometimes it just gets tooo tough...

Saturday, December 13, 2003

cuz we're living in a material world... 

so i was watching this thing on 20/20 last night (noo not the michael jackson thing, although i did see that too) but anyways, there were a bunch of teenage girls from like 13-19 talking about wearing tiffany's jewelry and buying coach purses. materialistic teens. nothing new. but god, just watching it made me feel stupid. do you really need a $200 purse that can barely fit all your makeup?!?it's ricockulus how much people my age spend on things. and the worst part was that they acted like nothing was wrong. some of their parents didn't have problems with it even. i'll admit that i can be pretty materialistic at times. but my guess shoes and matching guess purse is as far as i'll go. i don't mind buying a plain black purse at target instead of basically the same thing at prada or something. doing charity work was one of the ways suggested to make the shopaholics change. but one girl mentioned that donating her clothes when they got out of style was about all she'd do, and she didn't have money to give, but still had enough to get designer pants. that makes me sick. you can spend $100 on a pair of pants, but can't sacrifice $20 to people who don't even have food?? what has the world come to. so as the holiday season is approaching, realize that there are people in the world who have nothing to celebrate besides the fact that they're alive. realize that some kid would be happy to open up a pair of mittens on christmas morning while you add an abercrombie and fitch shirt to your list. realize that you should be happy you can get those things because most can't. and maybe next time you go shopping, something will click, and you'll pass on buying that louis vutton wallet or that plain shirt with a designer label.

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